


Dreaming Wide Awake

by ruusu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 11:45:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruusu/pseuds/ruusu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn wakes up in a world where he is in a relationship with Liam (written for a prompt)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreaming Wide Awake

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't beta'd or anything, and my english isnt that good so this probably has some typos and grammar errors, sorry x

Zayn doesn't want to admit it, but his life has come to some kind of breaking point, where he's snapping at everyone and just feels like nothing's good enough. It has come to the point where all he wants to do is lie down and fall asleep, wake up, eat, and go back to sleep and then after waking up again watch tv, and he really would want to do it alone, without having to face anyone, or talk to anyone.

According to Harry, Zayn has some kind of midlife crisis, which is stupid taking that Zayn is twenty one, not bloody fifty. Louis seems to think so too, he's nodding every time Harry says it, and after that Zayn likes to point out that Louis had his own crisis just two years earlier, but it doesn't help, because Louis always replies saying that at least he admitted it. After one of those conversations Zayn sulks down, and takes a spot to stare for the rest of the time he has to spend with the boys, ignoring Niall's comments about having to find the diary they once bought Zayn. 

After all the teasing, and the time Zayn has spent lost in his thoughts, it's Liam who sits down next to him and pats his knee. It's funny how he always knows when to do it, and what to say, because he knows what is not wrong.

”You know they don't mean to get you down”, Liam says quietly, not attracting the other's attention. He smiles a bit, before sighing. ”Do you want to talk about it?”

Zayn shrugs and doesn't say anything. The annoyance he has been feeling is slowly changing into sadness, and really doesn't help to get Liam to ask him any questions. 

It's not that he doesn't want to talk about it, because he does. He has wanted it for a long time, to talk to someone about how he feels, and make them understand, but after being quiet for so long, he's not sure that he's even able to speak anymore. And it wouldn't help that much, talking to Liam that is, because even though the boy knows something is wrong, he could never know that it's actually him that is wrong; the way he is, or better, the way he isn't.

”Is it about Perrie?”

It is, in a way. 

Zayn shrugs again.

”Have you been fighting?”

Another shrug.

”You can talk to me, you know.” 

It's funny how untrue it is.

”I know, Liam”, Zayn says, provoking some kind of a smile from Liam. 

Zayn knows he's not convinced, but it's still a smile. And a smile is pretty much all he needs until he starts feeling better.

– – 

”Congratulations on your success on the BRIT awards. How does it feel, getting two new awards to your collection, so to say?”

All Zayn hears is the question and then the boys' laughter, before he refocuses his attention on the table in front of him. The clock is somewhere around two, they have been doing interviews all morning, and will continue through the whole afternoon. Zayn doesn't look forward to the upcoming ones, didn't the earlier ones either, unlike the other boys who seem to answer all the questions with the same amount of enthusiasm as before. He tries to keep up with it, not finding himself able to, and glad that Liam forces him to focus and answer some of the questions by pushing his elbow against Zayn's ribs at times.

”What are your plans, have you started another album already?”

Zayn forces the smile on his face. ”We have a tour coming soon”, he says, ”and we focus on that at the time, so we haven't got time to record or anything.”

It's good enough of a answer for him. 

Liam seems to think so too.

– – 

Perrie's pacing around the apartment, rubbing her hands over her face and cursing under her breath. She rushes to the kitchen, bangs the containers for a while and then comes back to the living room, stopping to stand right in front of the sofa, where Zayn is sitting.

”What am I supposed to do with you?” she asks desperately. Zayn tries to avoid her gaze. ”I've been watching you doing that _thing_ of yours, waiting for you to talk to me, but all you do is sit, and stare into space. I'm worried Zayn.”

Her voice breaks and she claps her hand over her mouth before letting it fall and hang on her side. ”Listen”, she says, shaking her head, ”I know things aren't like they used to be, and they don't have to be like that, but I'd like them to be at least something. I'm kind of feeling that you're drifting away from me, and I don't want to lose you. It's just... I feel like I'm alone in this relationship.”

After a moment of silence, Zayn sighs. He raises his gaze to hers and stands up. ”I'm sorry”, he says, ”I don't mean to make you feel like that, I just fee like... I don't know. I guess I just need time figuring what I feel.”

Zayn doesn't mean it in the way Perrie takes it. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to avoid the tears from spilling.

”Maybe it's for the best”, she whispers, ”that we take a break. So you can have your time to figure out what you want. Who knows, maybe I need that too.”

She kind of walks away then, out of the living room, out of the flat, before Zayn can even say anything. And when he's alone, staring at the space she had just been in, he wonders if it even happened.

– – 

It's in the cover of every other magazine, and the media is screaming about it, like there was an actual war or something.

_One Direction is taking a break._

Zayn should feel guilty of how relieved he is.

– – 

Zayn watches the boy who's standing outside his door, a rucksack on his shoulder and a smile plastered on his face.

”Harry.”

”Hey Z, can I come in?”

Zayn doesn't see a reason not to let him, so he steps aside, keeping the door open for the boy.

”How you doing?” Harry asks and walks straight to the kitchen, placing the rucksack on one of the kitchen chairs and sitting down on the other.

”Fine.”

”You haven't been answering our calls, y'know. We've been a bit worried.”

Zayn shrugs. ”I've been busy.”

”Is that so?”

”Yes.”

”So you haven't been ignoring us?”

”Harry”, Zayn locks his eyes with the other boy, ”what are you doing here?”

”I'm here to visit you, of course”, Harry says, ”I know I'm not Liam or anything, but then again, I'm pretty sure you couldn't stand to be with him right now.”

Zayn frowns. ”I...”

”He's okay. Doesn't take it personally. He kind of gets it, even if he doesn't.”

”He thinks it's because Perrie broke up with me.”

”It was six months ago.”

”It's the only explanation he has.”

”Why don't you give him the right one?”

They're eyes lock again, and Zayn can see the seriousness all over the younger boy's face. It frightens Zayn to think that someone actually considers telling _Liam_ as a good choice.

”And say what?”

”I don't know, that you're in love with him, maybe. Hey, come on”, Harry calls out, standing up as Zayn walks out of the kitchen, ”tell him how you feel. It might help both of you.”

”We've talked about this, Harry”, Zayn sighs. He turns around, to look at the boy behind him, ”if it was supposed to happen, it would've.”

”But-”

”I'm too late, Harry, and I don't want to screw things up.”

”I don't think there's much to screw anymore.”

”Exactly. I don't want our friendship to be one of those things. Harry... please just drop it.”

Harry does.

He stays two days until he leaves to visit his mum; Zayn makes sure to text him a word or a few after, just to prove that he's not ignoring anyone.

– – 

Zayn sits on the sofa, in front of the television, flipping through the channels and trying not to die of boredom. There's nothing going on, just reruns of tv-series he has already seen too many times, and some old lady trying to sell him a bra.

He has been doing nothing all day long, for the past thirty-something days, and to be honest, it's starting to be a bit boring. 

Even he's starting to be boring. Or maybe that has happened earlier, but Zayn only notices it just now.

He turns off the television and lies down on the sofa, extending his legs so they hit the other edge of it, and bring his other arm over his eyes.

He's just falling asleep when his phone beeps on the table, and he reaches for it with a groan, opening the text.

It's from Liam.

_hi was wonderin if ud like to come over next weekend others r coming too_

Zayn stares at the message for a while before putting the phone back on the table, and getting back to his nap.

There's nothing that could get him off his couch.

– – 

Zayn wakes up to something wet wiping across his face.

He blinks his eyes open but shuts them immediately, as the light coming from the open curtains hits his eyes.

”Shit”, he murmurs and claps his hands over his face. He sits up and yawns, and tries to open his eyes again.

This time they widen comically: there's something _really_ wrong with his living room.

First of all, it isn't even a living room, but a bedroom, which wouldn't be so bad, if Zayn could remember walking there, and especially, if the bedroom _was even his_. It's simple and full of light, and the only furniture are the two nightstands next to the king-sized bed he's sitting on and a closet embedded in the wall. And not only that, but there's a black labrador puppy right next to him, chewing on the bed sheets.

”Where the fuck did you come from?” Zayn mutters, and then because it's _probably_ a bigger concern, ”Where the fuck am I?”

He slowly, without wanting to make any commotion, slips out of the bed, but stops right on the spot beside it, as he notices he's not wearing the clothes he's supposed to, but only a pair pajama bottoms. Zayn stares at them for a good five minutes before the puppy drops himself off the bed and starts to bounce against him.

 _If this isn't the time to start to panic_ , Zayn thinks when he picks the puppy up, _I'm not sure what is_.

Well, that's of course until he steps out of the room.

The place is just like the bed room, simple, but still warm and comfortable, and even if Zayn has never been there before, it really does feel like home. He wanders to the kitchen, chuckling (maybe a bit hysterically) as the puppy licks his face again, and walks around the dining table, trying subtly to find out who's place he's at.

The kitchen doesn't give him any answers, there are no notes and whatsoever on the fridge door, nor any other stuff Zayn could label as 'personal'. He doesn't open any of the drawers, and not only because Puppy – really the dog has to have some kind of a name – is still filling his arms, but because that would feel... wrong, yeah. Zayn corners around the table and walks along a short corridor with a few more doors and a passage to what Zayn thinks is a living room.

It's nice, something that Zayn would like his living room to be, with a huge black sofa, and a huge flat television, a black wooden coffee table for feet (obviously) and a matching book shelf with books and some photos. He takes a few steps towards the shelf, but stops abruptly, almost dropping Puppy.

Zayn's not sure how many times he has already lost his mind during the last fifteen minutes, but if something, then this is what probably keeps it away for good. The top shelf is not much above Zayn's eye level, and he can see clearly the photos on top of it, next to each other in nice frames. Photos of him, with... with Liam. It registers in Zayn's mind that he hasn't heard of Liam moving to another address, nor buying a dog, before his eyes land on the last photo, and a surprised squeal leaves his mouth.

”What the-”

He rushes forward to take a better look and-

Yeah.

That's totally him and Liam. 

_Kissing_.

”Oh my God. When was that taken?” he whispers, and touches the photo with his finger tips, like to make sure it's real. The image in front of him doesn't fade.

”What do you think, Puppy?” Zayn whispers, looking down at the dog, ”Am I going crazy?”

The puppy seems to smile at him, and licks his face eagerly, and Zayn can't help but laugh, even though his frightened out of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> comments would be lovely ! :)x


End file.
